Naming Joan Custard

Leanne Shapton
Sheila Heti


Alexander Milk

Josiah Milk

Josiah Milkweed

Alexander Joseph Grant

Milkweed Grant

Josiah Milkweed Grant

Josiah M. Grant III


Edna Sassafrass

Adina Salzbury

Adelaide Sugarplum

Adelaide Sugarman

Adelle Sugars

Adella Delia Sugarbaum Brown


Joan Apples

Jean Apples

Jeanie Apples

Jeanie Custard

Rubella Custard

Honour Wayburn Custard-Mouth Tum

Honour Lorene Wayburn Horsehair Custardmouth Tum

Joanie Tum

Joan Custard


Fancy Mildred Somerset Jubilee

Mildred Jubilee Summers

Millie Somerville

Celia Sommerville

Cecilia Ruby Baumgarten

Cecilia Estelle Harper

Cecily Estelle June Gardenia

Angela Gardenia-Feathers

Moira Goldie Feathers


Agnes Choux

Gaga Petty-Pou

Ellie Peti-Poop

Alessandra Candy-Poo Daum

Lizzie Poopie-Doop Brown

Lizzie-Lou Poopie-Doo Cabot Brownstone Baum

Lizzie Cabot Brown


Angina Scarf

Angela Dina Scarffle

Mrs. Boston Scarffle-Soup

Mrs. Dina Bauble “Bunny” Soupcon Brown

Mrs. Dinah Bauble “Bunny” Roundtree Candybox Heartly


Mrs. Dinah “Bunny” Roundtree Simmons

Mrs. Dina “Bunny” Roundtree “Crystalina” Texas Samsung

Poppy-Tree Brown


Winnie Truebottom

Winnie Bottoms

Winnie Butterbaum

Winnie Butterbottom

“Winnie” Winnifred Buttertree

Alison Gables

Winnie Gables Buttertree Baum

Winnie Gables Butter-Tree


Honoré Eatons-Simpson’s-The Bay

Clyde Eatons-Simpson’s Jr.

Clyde-Henry Eatons-Simpson’s III


Devorah John Happenstance

Devorah Louise Lizabeth Happenstance

Miss Devorah Happenstance Pearlescent Twimby

Mrs. Pearlescent Twimby

Mrs. Sears-Roebuck Paula Pearlescant Twilbly

Mrs. Sears-Roebuck Paula Pearlescant Twimbly


Jack Cotton

Jack Cottonballs

Jack Socks Cotton

Jack Socks “Cubit” Empire-State-Building Cotton

Jack Cottonballs Remington Shave

Jack Cotton-Razor Remington Vegetable Shave

Leanne Shapton is an author, artist, and publisher based in New York. She is currently the art editor at The New York Review of Books.
Sheila Heti is the author of eleven books, including the novels Pure Colour, Motherhood, and How Should a Person Be?
Originally published:
September 18, 2023


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