I replay the lick: Isaac Schankler’s rendition of Moon-
light Sonata. Outside, a sun shower. Machinations
of grief complicated further be-
cause it is a distortion of
something known, or something I once thought
familiar. Like mint or clover. Beethoven’s melody but
executed one bar earlier, bass simultaneously one bar
delayed—in effect creating a catastrophe
in the soul. Like a machine in the ghost, it’ll
be this morning’s obsession, a conversation re-
arranged, words acquiring interior meanings: Trace
(unreleased); Soundcloud; Silent Hill-ish. Creating static, combing
through air’s syntax, outside my window, bright
rain pinging against the tin picnic table. It’s as if
I’ve always heard this song’s inner workings unfolding, this
pacing. Of loss. Of sorrow. Like gears festering
at the bottom of a lake. I no longer want to
call this music song, peeling layers back as certain
flowers incrementally exposing seeds. As if one can stave
off grief. It’s milking stone, it’s gold insects what that chord does
inside my throat, here’s where it goes to Castlevania-land, I keep
looping, I keep dipping below surface, im getting spooked. At 5:26,
it begins. The notes tripping over themselves. At 6:11,
a knoll. Like a phone trilling
in the rain. I mean, when on street corners, you
could find phone booths. For a few coins
you could ring someone, maybe reach
them. Sometimes the time would run out.
The operator would disconnect you & you’d be left
talking into a receiver not knowing which words were
heard & which had already become dead air.
But I’m not ready to leave the doubling of, the
moments where the keys become Keatsian
to the touch—flesh made satellite, & so
before striking, striking,
the fingers recoil.
Poem of the Week
Splice Box & Accompaniment
Flower Conroy
Flower Conroy is an LGBTQ+ artist, an National Endowment for the Arts and MacDowell Fellow, and the former Key West Poet Laureate, as well as the author of Snake Breaking Medusa Disorder, A Sentimental Hairpin, and Greenest Grass (or You Can’t Keep Killing Yourself & Not Expect to Die).
Originally published:
August 3, 2022