I Found My Soul at the Bottom of the Pool

Jackie Wang

i found my soul there

i found it at the bottom of the pool

she saw

no i saw

no she saw

no i saw
i saw my soul vibrating at the bottom of the pool

i saw my soul just out of reach

i saw my soul go for a swim

i found my soul in rainbow diving sticks at the bottom of the pool

i found the years i lost to sleep at the bottom of the pool

i found my mother’s womb at the bottom of the pool

i found my mother’s watch at the bottom of the pool

i found my focus in chlorinated water

i found a feast spread out on a dining-room table at the bottom of the pool

i found 2 cups of coffee and waking up at 6:00 a.m. at the bottom of the pool

i found the world at the bottom of the pool

there is water at the bottom of the pool

there is a comfortable bed at the bottom of the pool

i found the continuity of dust and mommy at the bottom of the pool

i found my manuscript at the bottom of the pool

i found centuries of strangled mirrors at the bottom of the pool

i found the first day of my mother’s fall from grace at the bottom of the pool

i found unnamable deities at the bottom of the pool

i found particles of my past repeating themselves at the bottom of the pool

i found Nietzsche at the bottom of the pool

i found directions on how to say no to your tongue and walk away at the bottom of the pool

i found the reason why it is so easy to forgive everyone except myself at the bottom of the pool

i found the mystery of gravity at the bottom of the pool

i found myself untamed and inside the feeling at the bottom of the pool

at the bottom of the pool there is a basket of loneberries

and the pool is the spreading out and becoming full of the pool

the pool is tautological

the pool is at the bottom of the pool

the pool is a hum that settles blood and everything terrible

at the bottom of the pool there is the choice to get mad or just be a silent witness

at the bottom of the pool there is a house that can’t get rid of the stench of animals

at the bottom of the pool there is a body that inhabits itself without the fear of being common

at the bottom of the pool there is a rocking chair and an old woman in it, waiting for her friend to return

at the bottom of the pool there is a way back to the fever pitch of receiving your letter

at the bottom of the pool there is a way back to the joy of writing and the discovery of eyes you never knew were hiding beneath your hair

at the bottom of the pool there is an eye opening for the first time, a furry creature prodding its babe alive

i am creaturing at the bottom of the pool

at the bottom of the pool there is a cocktail of all the best drugs

at the bottom of the pool there is here

at the bottom of the pool there is a way to be here

at the bottom of the pool there is a toilet and the toilet is a portal to heaven

Jackie Wang is a poet, scholar, multimedia artist, and assistant professor of American studies and ethnicity at the University of Southern California. She is the author of Carceral Capitalism and the poetry collection The Sunflower Cast a Spell to Save Us from the Void, a finalist for the National Book Award.
Originally published:
November 15, 2023

Featured

The Shapes of Grief

Witnessing the unbearable
Christina Sharpe

Writing in Pictures

Richard Scarry and the art of children’s literature
Chris Ware

Garth Greenwell

The novelist on writing about the body in crisis
Meghan O’Rourke

Subscribe

New perspectives, enduring writing. Join a conversation 200 years in the making. Subscribe to our print journal and receive four beautiful issues per year.
Subscribe